Finding comfort in culture, and ambivalence on the subject

   This last year, I was a student Ambassador for a small University in Southern Utah. Through the year I found myself, for perhaps the first time, completely immersed and a part of a culture. I was a contributing member of a group of people that had a common purpose and shared similar values.
   I'd grown up in an environment in which I had, in a way, isolated myself from the culture around me. Especially the previous year, instead of attempting to conform to the society around me, I'd defined my own way of living, and was not shy to disagree with my primarily conservative and religious surroundings. I researched different religions on a daily basis, and widened my perspective of life by researching different cultures and societies. I interviewed different people with different backgrounds out of pure curiosity, and genuinely sought opportunity at personal growth through this newly gained perspective.
   Because of this mindset, as I entered the University for the first time, after nixing the general credits essential to my first semester, I signed up for Philosophy as well as an Anthropology class.
   The problem with dipping your toe into the nearly infinite abyss of Philosophy is just that-- it just so happens to be nearly infinite; There are thousands of different ways to speculate the meaning of life, reality, and our internal processes-- hundreds upon hundreds of contrasting theories composed by incredibly articulate and prestigious minds-- Plato, Aristotle, Kant, and the likes. In my eyes, Philosophy will forever be the most intriguing and simultaneously the most frustrating subject in existence.
   My thought process has a tendency to get a bit polarized, and I like a defined right or wrong. By taking both a Philosophy and Anthropology class, this last Semester I realized that there is, and never will be, a right or wrong when it comes to ideology and culture-- there are thousands of both. Trying to find the ideal, or the right one of either is a sadly fruitless journey. (I can draw a line from this to Barry Schwartz' ¨Paradox of Choice Theory¨-- if you haven't read about this, I urge you to look it up).
   That being said, one of the most insightful books about human nature that I've stumbled upon, is ¨Culture as Comfort¨ (this was used as one of two textbooks from my Anthropology class). It highlights our natural human tendencies to adhere and fit into our own societies, but also contrasts our own cultural norms to others-- exposing the (to me) inherent truth that there is no ¨normal¨. What we dub as normal is outlined by the culture in which we exist.
   To me, that means back in the day that technology was scarce, and thus information was less available, it would be easy to be contained in a bubble of what you as your own reality. Along with that, there would be little reason for you to question how your society functions.
    Now, growing up as a curious, severely anxious agnostic, in one of the most technological and socially innovative eras in history, I was not granted this luxury (if you call peace of mind a luxury). If you've ever been to Utah, you know just how normal this combination of qualities are in a young female adult.
   The Ambassador Organization I'm involved in is truly filled with some of the most considerate, hard-working, entertaining, and intelligent people I've ever had the honor to be associated with. Due to this, I found tremendous comfort in having such a large and wonderful support group, especially fresh out of the special kind of hell that is high school.
   Due to this, I started doing less research, and more activities with my tribe (I feel this an accurate title). The common goal was to promote the school, however teamwork, consideration, and a willingness to include others was a common attribute within the mix of the roughly 30 individuals. These are traits I find to be incredibly admirable and noble. People who rotated into the organization mid-semester proved malleable, and came out the other side more willing to help, and as more of a team player. The fact that there was always someone to lean on, do things with, talk to, and to give and get validation from, provided a tremendous amount of comfort.
   I know you're all surprised to hear that there is a dominant religion in Utah. According to Worldpopulationstatistics.com, Mormonism makes Utah the most religiously homogeneous state in the US. I've studies Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Taoism, Judaism, Shinto, Paganism, and more-- so it seemed fitting that with all my newly found returned and future Missionaries that accounted for roughly 80% of my tribe, I attend the recommended lessons. With a genuine curiosity, I attended the lessons.
   It's the only personal limitation that sets me aside from flourishing in my culture; When the missionaries talk, I personally can't stop the thought from arising that labels them completely brainwashed and insane in my mind. However, these incredible members of my tribe find such comfort in their religion-- as I assume most people do. There are some absolutely great things that are encompassed in the LDS church; People are friendly for the most part, there are service projects that occur as a result from tithing and Relief Society, and by sharing the Gospel, I can personally verify that the majority of Missionaries do so out of genuine intent (or their parents urging) of sharing this cultural comfort with others.
   I agree more with Buddhism than Mormonism, and I would rather be a raging, bra-burning hippie than a Capitalist if I'm being completely honest. However, I also feel much less anxious as a contributing part of my tribe. The more I conform, the more support I get. I love to meditate, watch Ted-Talks,  read Ethnographic studies-- and god forbid, drink coffee (which, by the way has proven health benefits).
   In Anthropology there's a term coined ¨Going Native¨. This means dissolving into the culture in which you're studying. I have an terrible urge to Go Native at this point due to the affection I have towards my tribe. However, there's also  a part of me understands that I'm only 19, and there's a world of possibility out there that could dictate the way I choose to live my life.
   Comfort tells me to do what's the norm in my culture-- find a Returned Missionary, get baptized, married by 20, and create a family while maintaining close contact with the supporting members of my tribe-- On the other hand, at the core of me I think Joseph Smith was a pervert that had sex with multiple 13 year old girls and sought a historical opportunity to create a religion that entitled him to do so. I also think Meditation and coffee have been scientifically proven to benefit us both mentally and physically, and the fact that I'm demonized in this society for drinking coffee seems a bit ludicrous. I also have much more a desire to get a Masters degree through fieldwork through the Peace Corps over getting married and having a family. Unlike most of my peers, I value doing good on a large scale versus the ideology of looking out for myself and  those very close to me. I agree with Marxian economics much more than Laissez Faire, and an Egalitarian Society is the only one that makes sense to me.
   Because my school is paid for and I have obvious monetary restrictions, I'm set in my tribe for at least the next two years. Do I ¨Go Native¨ in my incredible tribe for comfort, with the risk of permanently dooming myself to a culture I don't agree with? Or is it a better option to remain less attached and safe, with the promise of moving in two years and seeking a tribe I can be myself in and express my true opinions?